Happy 5 Flex Friday!

This week an old coaching friend asked me to answer my mistakes and lessons after 13 years of coaching so I wanted to share them with you. 

But first, here’s what’s new in my world this week. Please click to find out more:

1: Dropping 15 lbs and thriving at 70 w/ Paul Brandt 

2: Dropping 23 lbs in 6 weeks at 58 – James

If you want help getting results like James and Paul, click here to book a strategy call with me. 

1. What are the biggest mistakes you’ve made that you wish you knew earlier? 

Not asking for help and investing in mentors sooner. I felt so lost in the first 5 years of my career. 

And because of this I felt like I needed to get good before I could reach out to more experienced coaches. 

This was a flawed way of thinking. The first few years as a coach are the hardest. In fact, there’s an 80% drop out rate in coaching, in the first 5 years. 

This is why you see a revolving door of inexperienced coaches in their 20s in the fitness industry. 

If I was starting again, I’d front load my support from coaches and mentors and that would have accelerated my growth as a coach. 

It would have also built my relationships with other coaches quicker. 

Ironically, this is the exact issue I see with clients who are struggling too. They feel they need to get “fitter” before hiring a coach. 

Not being first. Be first to reach out, to make a connection, to say hi. 

I spent so much time waiting for others and what I have realised only recently is that everyone is waiting. 

Now I take the lead. I ask. I go first and it’s made a huge difference. 

Common humanity is helpful for this. It’s from Kristen Neff and used with self compassion but you can use it for anything. 

For me and most likely you, the reason you don’t go first is because you’re afraid either:

You’ll be rejected

The other person/people are not interested.

Using common humanity as a framework, you realise that however you’re feeling, there are 1,000s of others feeling the same way. 

So be first.

It’s funny.

When I feel anxious, I’m walking around thinking nobody else is anxious. 

Then I start talking to other people and realise, we are all in our own heads, all thinking we are anxious alone, when in reality we are all anxious together!

What lessons have you learned over the past 13 years? 

Everything is a skill that you can improve.

Training and handstands was my entry into this way of thinking. 

In 2016 I learned to do a handstand. 

It blew my mind. 

I showed up and followed the program and 3-4 months later I was balancing on my hands. 

I’ve used this same framework  with sales, marketing, social media, therapy, dancing and Spanish.

I remember when I was in India back in 2014 doing my first yoga teacher training. 

After a meditation session the teacher asked us all how it felt. 

The other students were able to express how they felt with ease. 

I found I had 2-3 words available. 

It was okay.

It was grand.

Now when I express myself, I’m much more capable due to practising this area too. 

Most recently it’s been with salsa dancing and Spanish. 

Now I am learning  from Keegan Smith how to go through the initial phases of skill development and enjoy it. 

Learning things you’re bad at is very uncomfortable. 

This discomfort makes you feel inept and as a result, most people quit. 

  • Not quitting, results in it feeling easier, which results in you getting good at this new skill.
  • Once you are good, you want to repeat this skill.
  • And then you get better.

This for me, unlocks everything!

If you can go through those first 20 hours of a new skill or activity, feel the discomfort and learn to enjoy it, imagine what you’d be doing?

Imagine all the possibilities moving forwards?

Now that cycle of never being consistent with your training, your nutrition and the other parts of your life become part of your weekly routine. 

The knock on impact of this blows my mind. 

Because quitting and then self loading is what causes the most damage to me and others from what I’ve seen from coaching 100s of clients over the years. 

3. In your experience, what belief, behaviour or habit has most improved your quality of life? 

Growth mindset and gratitude.

The more I go down the coaching rabbit hole, the more I see the power of beliefs. 

There’s now a building body of research around the impact of nocebic language on injury recovery.

Nocebic langugae:

is characterised as words or expressions that might stir up or exacerbate these unfavourable expectations, has been linked to serious negative effects on patient outcomes, altering elements like pain perception and side effect experiences.

An example would be you going to your doctor because you’ve a sore back. 

The doctor then gets you a scan and the scan shows a disc herniation. 

Now the conversation leads to you needing surgery.

This causes panic in you and the assumption that you’re disc herniation is the cause of the pain. 

But it’s now proven that over 25% of the population are walking around pain free with disc herniations. So you might be one of those people 

Asymptomatic herniated discs are a common finding in the normal population (25%) and therefore it is assumed that within symptomatic patients a substantial number of herniated discs are asymptomatic too 

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0303846705001782

If the doctor used more neutral language, the anxiety around your back would be much improved. 

It scares me to wonder how many poor souls have been sent to do a high risk surgery when it wasn’t needed. 

This is just an example from injuries but nocebic language is everywhere. 

Mental health is another area which is detrimental. My mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia over 30 years ago. 

I can’t think of a more brutal label to be given than this. 

Over the past 12 months, she is behaving like she has no mental health issues from working with a good therapist. 

I wonder how much of an impact it would have had if early in her diagnosis, someone explained it was a transitory state of psychosis and can be improved. 

This last 12 months makes me question the whole treatment approach of an illness like schizophrenia.

On gratitude:

The more I listen to successful people, the more it shows that getting to the end goal never makes them happy. 

Hitting that number in your bank, getting to that ability level with a skill, reaching point X doesn’t equal happiness.

All we have is right now and a trap I want to avoid is postponing how I feel today to think it will be magically better in the future when X happens. 

Contentment is a skill  that I practise each day with gratitude. 

This is such an undervalued area more people can focus on. 

4. If you had $100 or less what would you currently invest in right now that has the biggest ROI? 

Either a set of gymnastic rings or salsa classes > here’s why….

Gymnastic rings are the best investment to train your upper body and core. They are portable and easy to travel with. 

Salsa class ticks a lot of boxes. 

Great for brain development, memory, balance, cardio health, social connection, human touch, offsetting loneliness. 

And it’s an activity you can do until you can’t walk any longer.

Client of the Week

Paul (70) is a psychologist based in Utah. 

He struggled with dropping body fat,  getting on a flexibility routine and knowing what to do. Especially one that suits him at 70 and not some crazy routine for an ex gymnast. 

In 6 weeks, we lost 15 pounds, gained muscle, flexibility, balance and gave his energy a massive level up, and started to feel a decade younger!

Our process was to do 3-4 hybrid flexibility and strength workouts weekly, schedule his workouts into his calendar, and use fasting protocols for fat loss. 

We gave him a solid plan and this alone helped him cut many of the decisions he made especially while travelling.

Overall, we created a structure around eating, working out, and sleeping that fit with his busy lifestyle.

​If you want like Paul results like this in 2024 click here to fill in our coaching application

1 Quote to Consider

“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”

― Jim Carrey